It is also that time of year when we remember and laugh about all the times that mothers yelled at us, grounded us, smacked our hands, paddled our butts, dragged us to church, kicked us out of the house, took our toys, and made our homework bleed red ink.
Yes, despite what the advertising companies would have you believe, mothers are not all sweet and wonderful paragons of virtue and kindness. There is a darkness in all mothers.... a savage wrath that lurks just beneath the surface of those warm smiles and comforting hugs, just waiting to be unleashed upon their unsuspecting offspring.... generally as a result of said offspring doing something stupid or dangerous that they should know better not to...
I come from a family that is not particularly well known for their sappiness. So all the pink frills and fluffy and flowery words and poems and phrases that are currently plastered all over the card racks at the store don't really inspire any sentimental feelings when it comes to our mom.
Which isn't to say that my mom is some sort of savage, cold-hearted brute.
I have a wonderful mom. In fact, both my parents are wonderful, and I have so much respect and gratitude for them and how they raised us and all the things they taught us.
Though it took me till my mid-20's to realize this... which was about the time where things began to occur in my life and I found myself thinking "Dang it! My parents were right..."
NOT... that I would opening admit this to them, of course... *ahem*
As I grow older, I find that the things I reflect on change from year to year. As a child, Mothers Day didn't hold that much interest. It was a day where my siblings and I would be harassed into cleaning up the house, then we'd all write a quick "I love you mom" in a card, which would then be presented to her along with a gift my dad chose for her (occasionally with input from us).
When I hit my teens and early 20's, Mothers Day was just another small holiday that I always forgot about... I am so terrible with remember dates... for-warnings usually consisted of "So what're you doing for Mothers Day?" to which my response was "Huh? Oh... is it time for that?" So suffice it to say... not much happened on my end... though I usually managed to at least jot down the traditional 'Love you Mom' in a card.
To this day I still forget about Mothers Day... every year I remember it only because someone else mentions it. And even then, I never know the actual date until that Sunday, at which point its a bit late to do anything. But Mothers Day is no longer just 'another holiday', to be briefly mentioned then forgotten.
As I said, as I've gotten older and set out into the world as an adult, learning to take care of myself and live on my own, going to college, getting jobs... many of the teachings I received from my parents have come back to haunt me. All those annoying 'parental' things suddenly began to make sense.
I'm not going to go on a long, sappy shpeel about how kind and wonderful and loving my mom is... there's enough people doing that today. That's also not how I remember my mom... its not what stands out to me.
The things I remember... the things I reminisce about and respect about my mom... were the things she taught us, and the things she didn't. It was the every day practical things that you never think about, but are what enable you to go out into the world and live and survive.
My mom has never been a girly kind of mom. She didn't care for make-up or fashion, and so that was something that my sisters had to pick up from others... though I was far too corrupted by my father by that point. While it seems an odd point to be proud of... I am. Because of that, my siblings and I grew up playing in the mud and the dirt. We raised chickens and turkeys and geese, as well as cats, dogs, bunnies, and sheep. We learned to take care of a variety of animals that most people only ever see on farms or in books. We learned how to pull weeds, how to mow lawns, how to trim bushes, and how to rake leaves. We didn't mind getting dirt or paint all over our clothes, or running around barefoot, or drinking out of hoses.
We didn't waste time or money on fancy clothing, or fashionable brands, or expensive make-up. We didn't need that to feel special, or pretty. In fact... my mom taught us that fashion didn't matter if it wasn't comfortable. I know, who sits here on Mothers Day and thinks about the pros and cons of comfortable clothes? But it's true... nothing beats a good, comfortable pair of shoes when you spend all day on your feet at work, or hiking up a trail. All those frills and lace don't mean anything if the clothing isn't comfortable to move in, or gets ruined in the dirt, or gets torn by a bush.
My mom taught us the importance of comfort when it comes to our clothes, our beds, our cars, our travels. Such simple, practical knowledge, but it's something I think about and I am grateful for.
But there's more to my mom then fashion and dirt. Growing up, my mom was very poor. Her dad worked in the army, and so her family was always moving to new places. As soon as she was old enough to start working, she moved out and got a job. Education and hard work was something she strongly believed in, and something she strived for. I am happy to say she wasn't the kind of woman who simply wanted to get married and raise a family (no offense to women who do that).
I think the greatest thing that my mom instilled in all us children was a strong sense of the importance of work and education.
She was, and still is, a straight A student. As a teenager and young adult, she worked hard to support herself, spending 40+hrs a week behind a register, while also attending school. She was active in the church and church activities. And when she did have children and began to raise a family, she was able to stay home and devote her time and energies to being with us.
My parents weren't willing to settle for 'just ok' when it came to schooling. All of us kids were expected to pull A's and B's in all of our classes, and so they were always there to help us with the work. They made sure to ask us every day "What homework do you have?". They made sure we sat down and did it before we could play. Then they would look over it and check our work, and if something was wrong, they'd show us how to fix it.
I am proud to say that I and all my siblings averaged a 3.5-4.0 GPA all through grade school. And I know, without a doubt, that it was because of my parents, my moms, dedication to education that allowed us to do that. Because let me tell you... Math, English, History... not my best subjects... And once college began, I was able to take that knowledge, those skills, and apply them to my classes. And if I needed help with my homework, I had someone who I could turn to.
Because of my mom, I was able to graduate with an AAS in Biotechnology. I was able to average a 3.2-3.5 GPA all through college. Because I knew the importance of an education.
My first job was working in a Little Caesars Cafe in a Kmart. It was stressful, busy, messy, unpleasant work... but I stuck with it while I attended college. My parents, my mom, had instilled in my siblings and I a strong sense of work ethic and responsibility. I made sure I was always on time for work. When I was at work, I was there to do work, and I made sure my daily tasks and assignments were completed. This ethic, this strong sense of responsibility, has followed me all my adult life in every job I've had. I cannot simply sit back and settle for 'just enough', because I had a mom who was not content with 'just enough' and she passed that on to us.
When I was 23 I had the opportunity to move out of state to live with my cousin. This was also the first opportunity I had to move out of my parents house. And let me tell you... I was more then ready to do so!
Another thing I am exceedingly grateful for that my mom taught us kids... Independence.
I have met many people who, once they moved out on their own, couldn't not function properly in common, every day tasks. They had no idea how to wash their own clothes. They couldn't use a washing machine. They didn't understand how to clean their home and take care of themselves. They couldn't cook. They had no idea how to manage their finances. All these practical, every day things that were so ordinary to me, were beyond them... because they had mothers who took care of everything for them and never taught them how to do it.
My parents understood the value of teachings us how to live on our own and take care of our home and ourselves. And they knew the importance of not letting us get comfortable just staying home. This is something they've definitely achieved. As much as we all love our parents... none of us kids have any desire to be at home longer then we have to be. We have had a taste of the freedom of living on our own... and it pleases us... and I am so grateful that I have a mother who instilled that into us. Who taught us how to be independent and encouraged it. So that we can step out into the world without fear.
I respect my mother and everything she has taught me so much. I am grateful that I was able to sit down with my family and eat dinner every night. I am grateful for all the vacations we went on and all the things we've seen, because I had a mother who loved to travel. I am grateful to have had a childhood that didn't have much money, because it taught me the importance of money, and the importance of not being too picky about the places you live. I'm grateful for having a mother who could stay home to raise her family and teach us about life and work and love.
Even when she got mad at us, grounded us, spanked us, dragged us to events we didn't want to go to, lectured us, etc... I look back at those moments and I can see how they have shaped my life and made me into the good person that I am. Yes, even the bad moments were what made my mom such a good mother, because we learned what was right and what was wrong.
I myself am not a mother. Not entirely sure if I ever will be... but my sister is. She has a little boy and a little girl on the way. I watch her and wonder how things will turn out for her and her family.
I also think of my life and the 'what-if's' of having a family. If I do have children some day, I know I will follow in my mothers footsteps and teach them many of the things she has taught me. She has helped shape me into the person that I am today, and I can't begin to find the words to properly say thank you to her, or to explain all the ways that she has influenced me.
I just hope that if I have children, I am able to do as good a job with them as she did with us.
Hear Hear!
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